- In the beginning was the UVF. And the Lord looked down upon it and was pleased, For God and Ulster.
- The UVF became a mighty host and it moved upon the face of the Earth, smiting the Enemy. And the Enemy smiteth it not and God was pleased.
- So pleased was God that he gave to the Sons of the UVF and their Sons and their Sons for ever, the fertile lands of Ulster [well, most of it].
- And the tribes of Ulster prospered upon the plains and all rival tribes were unworthy in the sight of God , who cursed them with discordant music and dancing that was treated with scorn.
- The Lord gave these tribes an impenetrable tongue, which none in all the World could understand, not even the Priests of Babel.
- And two score and four years prospereth the UVF, by quiet and unassuming living.
- Then one came out of the West, by the name of Gusty, from the tribe of Spence. He had been a warrior and now he made war upon the Dispossessed.
- And God looked upon him and was not pleased.
- A mighty conflagration came upon the lands of Ulster.
- Up sprang the Association and saith unto the UVF, you have displeased the Lord and we are the True Sons of Ulster.
- And upon this , there was great violence, yea as between Cain and Abel.
- And the Lord’s word quelleth it not.
- And the Lord sent upon the lands of Ulster the People of the Box.
- And the People of the Box did set brother unto brother so that they might be wiped out from the Firmament.
- And they sent secret messages and set secret codes that the Sons of Ulster kneweth not.
- And the People of Ulster liked not the UVF nor the Association. And they were scorned on the Temple Mount , which is called Stor Mount.
- And the Lord made his face to shine on the Dispossessed People. And their music and their dancing was liked by all the Peoples of the Earth and in the Rivers and on the Flatly Plains was their music and dancing heard.
- And the Lord loosened the tongues of the Dispossessed and straightaway the broadcasters of Ulster made their voices heard and they made a pleasing sound.
- And God said onto the Sons of Ulster, in a terrible voice, did I not make you The People? And didst you not piss it all away?
- And great Trial and Tribulation fell upon the Sons of Ulster. Their mighty factories, in ships and planes and in linen and in rope were as nothing.
- And a great multitude of the Sons of Ulster were familiar with Brian Buroo, whom they visited each Monday.
- And they were troubled. Nothing like this has happened since that Job bloke got a hammering, saith the learned men of the Sons.
- And they turned to a False Prophet, whose name was Ian. How shall we please the Lord again, they cried.
- And the False Prophet took a moment away from the Temple Mount and the Money Changers and said, follow me because those who follow me will be THE PEOPLE.
- And the Sons of Ulster and each of them, followed the False Prophet, all save Peter
- And the False Prophet led the Sons of Ulster up a great hill, which was not the hill of Stor Mount but an even greater hill.
- And the False Prophet showed them a great land over the seas. This was the Land of their Fathers , he said and they would NEVER NEVER NEVER be sundered from it.
- And the Sons of Ulster were greatly pleased and they killed a goat and oiled the women and rejoiced, in a tavern called the Brown Bear.
- And it came to pass that there came out from the Land of their Fathers or from the Land of Song to be more accurate Peter The Hain, who was permanently touched by the Sun and who kneweth not the Truth, yea even when it smite him upon the visage. And lo, he spoke oily words to the False Prophet, like unto the hissing serpent. And he summoned the Assassins and all the tribes of the Dispossessed.
- And with a blinding light, God caused his servant Andrew to move upon the waters of the Northern Sea. And all around were mighty afraid.
- And God caused the False Prophet to chuckle and all around him , yea all his Brethren did also chuckle and of the agreement there was no end.
- And the Elders of the Sons of Ulster cried out. We have been betrayed. And they rent their sashes and did put their bowler hats upon the fire. Great was their distress but greater was their anger.
- And they ascended the Great Hill of Stor Mount whereon was the Temple and they saith to the False Prophet , you have betrayed us. You are of the Tribe of Lundy.
- The False Prophet didst chuckle and said that he knew them not, not even those who had stood with him upon hillsides with tablets of stone, nor those who shared chariots and many weapons with him.
- Then did the Lord strike down those whom Andrew had spoken to, even unto the False Prophet and the Hermit of the Bogside and Peter the Punt [by way of his wife Jezebel] save for Geroid. And he said to him, for you I have reserved a Great Punishment. You will roam all the Earth, yea into its corners and crevices, even unto Strabane and ye will deny that ye have a beard. And all about you will shoot out their tongues and make fun of you.
- And Geroid saith Thank Fuck, Barra isn’t going to prosecute.
- But the Gospel unto St William digresseth.
- Onto the Sons of Ulster and unto the UVF and unto the Association and unto the community groups and unto the victims’ groups there came a Great Light.
- For another Ian , the Son of Ian cometh.
- And he told all of them, be not afraid, I bring you tidings of Great Joy. Unto us from the City of London is Peace I-IV. Riches beyond the Dreams of Avarice will flow to you. Your women will toil not, neither will they spin but will have tattoos. Ye will be truly like the Orange Lillies of the Field. You will sit down with the Lion and the Lamb, for that is what the Criteria call for. Never again will you visit Brian Buroo, for that is in the past. You will beat your swords into ploughshares and your Romper Rooms into Community Centres. Ulster will be a land flowing with milk and honey [ and type II Diabetes]. This is what my Father chose for you , when you were poor , and didn’t have an ass in your trousers. He that chooseth another path and espouseth not the Agreement of Good Friday and the Agreement of Andrew will be cast into Outer Darkness and the Countenance of Community Funding will look not upon you.
- And the Sons of Ulster, whose fathers had once been mighty warriors and had saved the World from the Assyrians and the Hittites and the Hun, didst sit down and sup with Ian.
- And the poor and the lame and the homeless and the cancer victims and the special needs children and the victims of sexual abuse and of state collusion and those on waiting lists were forgotten.
- This is the Gospel according to William and it has come to pass in most of Ulster.
Libya and Westminster-why democracy doesn’t work
See V and A Consultancy for my reaction to the NI Affairs Committee Report
A shoddy piece of work , it could not even get the names of my parents correct. This has now been corrected and an apology issued by the committee.
People like Kinahan, Paisley and Hoey should hang their heads for having been part of this charade.
As with the antics of Frazer, the last two years has simply given victims and survivors of Libyan SF/IRA Semtex a false hope.
Like hundreds of other affected people, I will spend the day with my own thoughts.
Gavin Robinson’s lost afternoon
On 24th March I attended a meeting, addressed by Tobias Ellwood and attended by , seemingly , a wide range of people , including victims of Libyan supplied Semtex.
Elwood, he who told the Commons that on a salary of almost £90,000, he was having to watch the pennies, tried to establish his bona fides with us by telling how his brother was killed in the Bali bombing and how he , Tobias, had served as a soldier in Northern Ireland and was almost shot.
The big message which his masters in the Foreign and Commonwealth Office had given him to deliver was that HMG had no intention of making any effort to access £9.4 billion of Libyan assets, held in the UK.
Speaker after speaker criticised this position and HMG’s lack of activity. Not one politician joined in the criticism, neither Robinson, Paisley, Elliott or Kinahan. Voters should be aware of that. At the end of the meeting they fell over themselves to thank Ellwood and have their photograph taken with him. [Organised by Frazer]
I asked Ellwood to go to the UN Security Council and have the resolution , freezing assets, amended. Toby is practising the Big Tory Putdown. He scoffed and asked me did I think that Russia and China would support that. Why not? Why not try?
The mood of the meeting was summed up by Jim Allister MLA who told Ellwood that he had no plan for victims and that his purpose in addressing us was to keep us under control in case we rocked the diplomatic boat and big business in the UK did not get lucrative contracts in the new Libya.
So where did Gav get his impression of “positive ministerial engagement” Assuming that Gav was not able to make up his own mind or was perhaps asleep throughout the meeting, he was relying on none other than Willie Frazer. Willie, who never misses an opportunity to witter, except when Martin McGuinness is in the room, told the meeting that he had had a private meeting with Ellwood and that it was the first meeting with a minister that he had not been thrown out of. This is classic Willie. Establish your credentials as a no nonsense man of the people. A rabble rouser who is a thorn in the side of the establishment. Do you remember Paisley doing that , while all the while negotiating behind backs?
It’s interesting that a man with terrorist connections can be afforded a private meeting with a British Government minister. Times have not changed. I wonder what was discussed?
Perhaps Robinson would like to tell us what he thought was positive. The suggestion that once a new UN backed, unelected government is imposed in Libya and all the militias are bribed or killed, a committee of the Libyan government will have a think about compensating us? How likely is that in the lifetime of any existing victim?
Perhaps it’s another example of the Unionists cosying up to the Tories. Perhaps some have aspirations to do business in Libya or have mates who want to do so. Perhaps Jeffrey, Her Majesty’s Trade Envoy to Egypt, has a hand in it. Who knows?
Will big Gav tell us or even make a really angry speech about it?
My life in a Banana Republic: January
I have returned from visiting my family in Africa.
Shortages, queues, poor hospitals, corruption, political instability.
But I think I can cope till my next trip away.
I have been looking for your “Fresh Start”.
Was it when everybody changed their minds and said that Peter was a splendid chap after all?
In Africa, such people retire to a large walled estate with many servants and live off the money they stole from the people. I wonder what Peter will do?
Perhaps the Fresh Start was when everybody said nice things about the Great She Elephant.
Or when men asked her how she would cope with the laundry and cooking and she did not slap them.
Dingle tells me that lawyers are still on strike. I saw one on the television. He mumbled and was sweating. If such a person represented me I would be cross. Perhaps his heart is not in it.
Dingle, who keeps his finger on the pulsing, says that they have been on strike since last May and that Minister Ford, who is by far the most righteous minister in all Ireland, has saved millions of pounds which he will spend on costly legal actions about aborting and same sex marriage.
A Great Justice called Horner has told the politicians that they live in a bygone age and must change the rules on abortion, if they want to live in Europe. In Africa he would be arrested for such interference with the goings on on the Great House on the Hill. Or large tanks would be sent to Chichester Street. Perhaps the Fresh Start has prevented this.
I rejoice that the Pastor had escaped the claws of the state, even though the Judge said that he was offensive and had lost the run of himself. This puzzled me since the Pastor is 78 and does not look like a man who could run. Dingle explained that it meant that he had lost self control when speaking , like when Ian Paisley, Gerry Adams, Bobby Storey and such like say things. Even when Peter said that he would only trust a Muslim to run an errand for him to the local Quikkimart.
“But none of them was prosecuted”, I say. Dingle smiled. I suspect the Small Prosecutor, who is now putting on trial a lady who had medicine for abortion, which I now understand is the Most Heinous of Crimes here in the Northern Part of Ireland.
My puzzlement know no bounds. It could lead to me losing my running.
Tobias Ellwood, a shameful performance
With that insouciance and practised air of effortless ease , Tory Grandee-in-the-making, Tobias Ellwood appeared in front of the Northern Ireland Affairs Committee in September.
He was accompanied by an official from the FCO, Mr Dart.
It should be explained that the Committee is about Paddies.
The subject matter was irksome and somewhat tiresome. Why had every other nationality been compensated for Libyan Semtex murders except those from the United Kingdom?
Cue Tobias. Ex Royal Greenjacket.
First up. No, he had not read the transcript of the evidence from the previous week. He had “scanned through it”. [stuff about Paddies is as interesting as diesel carbon emission statistics].
Second , having scanned through it, he had come to the immediate conclusion that evidence given by experienced lawyers was wrong.
Third. The deliciously named Mr Dart dropped him in it by telling the Committee that the decision not to espouse the victims’ claims was a political one.
Fourth, he had no clue about the value of frozen Libyan assets.
Fifth and most astonishingly, Tobias agreed with Mr Dart that the holders of the frozen bank accounts were entitled to be paid the annual interest accruing. He even indulged in a conversation about this with Ian Paisley.
It will come as no surprise to you, Dear Reader, that the Treasury has told me today that Dart and Ellwood [do I think of sunglasses at this point?] are completely wrong.
The point about this sorry tale is that Tory ministers pay scant attention to Northern Ireland and can’t even be arsed to pretend.
Let’s hope that those relatives of the victims from Tunisia understand where Perfidious Albion’s interests lie.
It is not with the victims of terrorism then or now.