My life in a banana republic:March


Sex,sex, sex!

Forgive me for being shocking and for my absence. I have been writing my dissertation at the Queen’s University and being mesmerised by your sexual obsessions.

Why is it that your “wee country” , so good at soccer and peopled by so many pious people, is obsessed by sex?

Lord Morrow has stopped women selling their bodies for sex.

Now he wants the death penalty, not for having sex, I think…

The Attorney General has intervened [I like this nomenclature, does he turn up at court like Sergeant Wilson and say, “do you think that is wise Dec?”]. He has a thing or two to say about women’s bodies, I have heard. He thinks that abortion is bad.

The First and Deputy First Ministers have told him to intervene about all sorts of things. It must be hard to advise so many competing departments in so many different ways.  Mr Larkin is also exercised about gay discrimination. He has intervened. He should get out more.

As I predicted by me earlier , much money will be spent on these matters, almost as much as is spent on tea and biscuits at the Great Place on the Hill.

Catering and sex would probably pay for a cancer unit but where sex is involved you chaps spare nothing.

Basil McCrea has been cleared about being sexy. William Crawley wanted to know on BBC about the sexy goings on of a footballer. Many people got excited,  including Adrienne.

In my country sex is just a fact of life, like malaria.

Here is what I want to know. Where are your women folk? It must be that large numbers of them respect their man. Does Mrs Allister say: “I’m pretty sure that women should be in charge of their own bodies , Jim, but if you think not, that’s OK “?

I’m told that there is lots of sex on the Hill. Politicians, SpAds, officials, their wives and their children, anything goes. There are even gays in every party. That seems pretty normal to me, like Westminster , Lusaka or Washington.

But you are all in denial.

This excites me, in an academic way.

At present my PhD. dissertation is “Aspects of the diffuse narratives in respect of the disputed territories in the Indo-Tibetan Borderland”

I’m asking my supervisor if I can do “Sex on the Hill”, instead.

That should sell well in Bulawayo.

Jambo Jambo!


Why I’m voting for Danny

In South Antrim , voters have only two serious candidates for Westminster. The Reverend Doctor William McCrea, politician, blow in from Mid Ulster, pastor, singer and invisible man.

The other is Daniel de Burgh Kinahan, Big House Unionist.

McCrea, in my personal experience , has done nothing for victims and precious little for anyone else.

Empey got within 1183 votes of him the last time.

Kinahan appears to have been a busy MLA. He voted for same sex marriage though his response to me on abortion was vague and evasive.

It’s dispiriting that in the twenty first century , choices are still as limited as fifty years ago.

So, with not a pro-union left wing candidate in contention, it’s Castle Upton for me, rather than Clan McCrea.

The right to march

Dear Tesco,

I know that I am a single female parent and that I have  three children and that I can’t afford to pay for their weekly shop but the DUP have assured  me that I will have a right to march.

So everything is ok then?

I have been watching the unionist parties since the 1960s. Beat the drum, fly the flag, tell the masses that the union is under attack. Get the vote.

When will the working class of North Belfast wake up? Ever?

Nigel Dodds [‘the mighty Dodds’]  and his wife clean up over £150,000 per year and live in Banbridge.

So much for being a man of the people.

Of course for women, Jim Allister is hardly a twentieth century alternative.