The play wot I wrote

Here is a teaser from my latest play:

Detective Constable Gault is talking to Flora, the love of his life and describing what life was like in the RUC….

“Do you know that in my time in the force I saw forty dead bodies? Old dears, dead for days and not a fucking relative came near them. Just like a small dead dog in a nightie. One small child, cot death. What do you say to the parents? Some of my mates thought children were the worst deaths. Car crashes, motor bikers. Going to the wife’s door to tell her. Screaming, falling on the floor. Vomit, trying to get her GP. Suicides, mostly pills. Do you know I once found a man who had hanged himself by jumping off a bridge on the way to the shipyard? He was swinging on the end of a rope, his lunch box was still tucked under his arm. Bomb deaths. Some without a mark on them. Others mangled. Others in bits. You had to get big see through plastic bags for the parts. Like going to the wholesale butchers. You’d generally no idea how many bodies you were dealing with. Gunshot deaths. Wee hole on the forehead, big mess at the back. Seeing a dead mate was the worst. Davy, blown apart in the yard at Grosvenor Road. I’d just passed him when the mortar exploded. Could have been me, ten seconds earlier. I was shot up five times. Escaped without a scratch. Took the dead and wounded to the Royal, then back to the station, de-brief then a bottle of whiskey. That was health and safety and care for the employee. No shrinks, no nurses, no counselling, except the Super came and told us we were great. If the worst came to the worst, you got sleeping tablets. Oh and I got a medal from an ACC and the whole force got the George Cross. Never shot and killed anybody. I did try…. Flora laughs quietly at that. WILLIAM GAULT (CONT’D) Worst time was the hunger strikes. We were on duty for twelve hours without rest. Eating and pissing when we got a chance. Keeping the squaddies out of trouble. Meals in a tin. The squaddies loved ours, Her Majesty’s Meals Ready to Eat were shite. I couldn’t eat ours either. I had ten tins of chicken curry in the garage for years. FLORA CAIRNS Why did none of you complain? WILLIAM GAULT About the food? Flora laughs and throws a small cushion at him. FLORA CAIRNS No, you eejit, your stress! WILLIAM GAULT Nobody knew that it was dangerous, at least the rank and file didn’t. You just got pissed after an incident, you were driven home and you came back the next day. Then there were the young cons, who burned the candle at both ends. Fast cars and faster women. Guy with us, came off duty at five, drove his XR3i to Enniskillen to see his girlfriend. Wine , curry and sex. Back in the car at five AM to go on duty at seven. The old hands couldn’t do that so it was the sports club on a Saturday with the missus but the result was the same, blotto. FLORA CAIRNS Hard for any wife to take. WILLIAM GAULT Very. ”

Steven, if you read my blog, I’ll sell you the rights on condition that Jamie Doran is not cast.

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