Jambo Jambo!

Because I have an enquirin’ mind, I have been researching berets.

In this country, it is not pronounced “berry” but “berr-ette”.

Unlike France, it is not worn as a fashion item. It is worn mostly by men, to show that you are macho, or as they say here “a hard man”.

Many musicians wear them when playing in marching bands.

Many politicians wear them. I have seen photographs of the Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley [deceased], the First Minister, the deputy first minister and Gerry Adams all wearing berets. I am told all the Army council wear them. The Lutheran ones are smarter than the Papish ones.

Women do not wear them, for example Emma Little who is a junior minister does not wear one, although her father did.

David Ford does not wear one, because Jesus, who likes his party , told him not to.

Jim Allister is a hard man, who leads a hard man tribe [although there are many comings and goings from it].When he speaks at the Meeting Place on the Hill, he is always cross. He needs no beret!

Mike Nesbitt does not wear a beret because it would spoil his beautifully coiffured hair. He is a hard man though , because he meets the UVF and can speak to them in their dialect [despite having been educated at Campbell’s College].

What puzzles me about this beret thing is that many politicians shout at each other about being connected to terrorists, yet they are all sitting down with terrorists [except David Ford , who is too busy destroying the legal system].

Meantime the hospitals are in crisis and the new train to Dublin cannot run on the tracks. This happened once, many years ago,  in Swaziland, where my cousin lives.

I propose that the beret be banned in Ulster. Many headdresses are banned around the world. I am going to speak about this at Corrymela, which is a great place by the sea, where for fifty years they have talked about Peace and have had much success, they say…..

Jambo Jambo!