My life in a banana republic , November

Jambo Jambo!

If you haven’t met me before, I’m doing my post grad medical degree at the Great British Queen’s University.

I’m living in the Biblical area of Belfast, near the great Lagan River.

I have a great interest in politics and hope to learn from the Home of Democracy.

Just at the weekend , here in Stranmillis, lots of parents were upset. I learned that this is due to testing of their offspring. Are they smart enough? If so they go to a Grammar School, where they don’t learn much about grammar but they stay away from undesirable children. To do so they must pass an exam. If you are a follower of Luther you do one exam and if you are a follower of the Pope you do a different exam. Then, the Catholic ones are not allowed to meet anyone else. If you are from a poor tribe you cannot pass this exam. Later, all these Grammar children make pictures of themselves drinking alcohol and wearing unsuitable clothing. Then, their parents know that they have succeeded.

This is puzzling but my friend Dingle, who is an ex army officer and Welsh, says that it has always been so, before even Martin McGuinness.

Because I am at the Great Hospital Named after the Empress of India , I hear things. People here are not happy with their care. The people on the Great Hill, where the Elders meet, have decided to abolish a committee, this will cure people , they say. And they laugh at Witch Doctors!

My friend took me on a most disturbing trip on Sunday.  We went to see a Very Dangerous Place. It is called Meg-ah-Berry and in it are frightening  fellows. They are guilty of the most serious crimes. Beheading, genocide, shooting down planes, FGM. I wanted to leave the area immediately. My friend said that a Head Man of a Tribe, called the Alliance, would solve the problem , because he was anointed by God.

This is puzzling, so many anointed by God and so many carry guns and wear berets, of all colours. I am determined to research this.

Well, enough for now, I must return to my studies. Dingle says that I must wait for the Great Events, which make people happy. He says that these take place in the city or near the Great River Lagan and are spectacular, so much so that the citizens forget their problems , like dying early or getting fined for being in a bus lane. I said ‘is this like bread and circuses at the time of the Roman Emperors?’ He was a bit shocked that I knew about this fact.

Jambo Jambo

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